An unanticipated loss.

I was recently asked for my thoughts by the BBC regarding leaving memorials at the site of the death of a loved one.

You can read the full article here:

But I wanted to share a few more thoughts about how difficult it can be to accept a sudden loss.

When dealing with grief caused through a sudden death it can be incredibly difficult to accept the reality that our loved one has died.

We don’t have the same time to come to terms with things as we would if we lost someone through a progressive or terminal disease, we most probably won’t have had the opportunity to say goodbye and there may be a sense of unfinished business.

The journey of Grief is a process that is unique to us all but that journey is likely to contain elements that we can all relate to.

There isn’t a correct way to grieve and although it might not seem very healthy to focus on the circumstances of a death, I wonder if the leaving of flowers or items of meaning at the site of a sudden death is a powerful way for us to actualise our loss enabling us to make a connection between the site and the reality that our loved one has died. If that is the case that is a very powerful tool to help people move through their grief and it may in time lead to a feeling of acceptance and meaning making.

If you have suffered a bereavement it can sometimes be difficult to share your feelings with those close to you, perhaps you feel you need to be strong for others or there is a limit on the amount of time you can talk to them before they will tire of listening. That’s why bereavement counselling can be of such value. Talking to a trained counsellor or bereavement volunteer such as those at Cruse could be a real help giving you the space and time you need to come to terms with what life looks like for you now.