People come to counselling for all sorts of reasons but although their personal experiences vary greatly there are often common themes in their behaviour that is tripping them up and keeping them stuck.
Written for Support Local Magazine’s February/March edition, In this short blog I consider the 10 rules to follow to lead an unhappy and unfulfilling life.
1/ Never take a few moments each day to reflect on what you are enjoying in your life and what feels wrong.
2/ Never take a hard critical audit of what you are doing to see if it fits in with your true values. Make sure you follow the crowd and always conform to what the crowd is doing. Be sure to live your life by the values of your, Mum, sister, school, friends, society or your next door neighbour but one. Do what is expected of you at all times and never stop to think if it’s what you want.
3/ If you’ve haven’t got an addiction of some kind be that, food, alcohol, drugs, social media, self-sabotage or relationships, make sure you get one as soon as possible. It fills up that space where life could be peaceful and uncomplicated. If you already have an addiction spend as much time as possible pretending to yourself and others that you don’t.
4/ Strive for perfection in everything that you do. Never settle for the comfortable place of excellence be that at work in relationships or exams. If you want to stay trapped in your unhappy world it’s imperative to expect perfection from everyone else too. Perfection is an impossible target to achieve so it will help you to feel bad about yourself for as long as possible. Don’t forget to waste lots of time questioning every exchange you have with friends, relations, lovers and work colleagues It will keep to the theme of royally f@@king up your life.
5/ Make sure you make your life as complicated as possible, by not putting in any boundaries and always saying yes to everything that is asked from you, even if you don’t have the time, resources or energy. When you get to burn out never stop to think about what is important to you and what you can let go, just keep going until you crash.
6/ Pick a partner who’s not that into you, doesn’t give back as much as they take and always makes you feel bad for needing or expecting more. For extra points here make sure they belittle your feelings and expect you to apologise when they do something wrong. Get creative here, if the partner you choose is already broken or needy you can waste lots of energy trying to fix them they are a perfect fit for the miserable life you have chosen.
7/ Make sure your belief system keeps you trapped. Keep it limiting. Believe that inner critic that tells you that you shouldn’t try, that your incapable, stupid, too short, too unlovable. If you need some help with this be sure to tune into instagram, facebook or twitter at least 10 times a day to reaffirm just how rubbish you are compared to everyone else.
8/ Have absolutely no belief in yourself. If you do you might try something new and succeed! Stay small, hide and bitch about the person that succeeded and laugh at the person who tried and failed.
9/ Always take the most comfortable decisions and never take risks. Listen to the doubters and never step out of your comfort zone, it’s a scary world out there and if you take a risk and succeed you might be happy.
10/ Finally be scared of change and make sure you do a job you absolutely hate. And stick with it for as long as possible. Make sure you have an armoury of excuses for carrying on doing it too. Never chance sharing an idea or opinion at work, you might get noticed and who knows where that might lead? Promotion?
To live an extraordinarily unhappy, dull and conformist life it is important to start these patterns of behaviour as soon as possible in your life and of course if you ever allow yourself to notice how unhappy you are, make sure you leave it as long as possible to get some help with it all. That way your way of being will be second nature to you and will take longer to resolve.
However remember life is very short and if you would prefer to live a more authentic and enjoyable life, full of meaning and purpose, perhaps more in tune with your true values, the first step could be a few counselling sessions with someone who won’t judge your outlook or devalue your dreams. someone that doesn’t have an opinion about what is right or wrong for you and could help you unpick what you are doing in your life that might not fit in with your true needs or desires.
It would be my privilege to help you to do just that.
Michelle Brown dip.couns. MBACP